Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
