I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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