Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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