Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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