I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
