just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize