WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
