Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize