My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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