I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
