Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
