Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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