you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
