giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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