Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
