Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize