Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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