I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
