She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
