he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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