Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
