you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
