is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
