I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
