I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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