dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
