Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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