Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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