My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
