Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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