I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
why do cheetos always look like penises
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Randomize
