i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
