My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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