I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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