I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
