I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
