are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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