whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
