Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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