Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
