I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize