I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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