3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
