Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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