Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
