Barsexuality is the new black.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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