I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
