2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
