and you said cock pushups were impossible
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
