11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
