dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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