I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
