Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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