I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My bed smells like the plague
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