Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
