i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
