She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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