Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
