where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
