The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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