The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
