i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
