I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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