Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
