Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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