if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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