His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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